Mindsin, Please take the advice from MrBond and 25.
You need to put yourself in your W shoes to understand just how much hurt there really is in her heart for things that you have done to her.
I did this and let me tell you it is not easy. It is very hard to look at oneself in the mirror and try and picture that person doing bad things to you.
I spent a lot of hours coming to terms with what an a-hole I was. I couldn't see it until I stepped back away and looked upon my sitch as an outsider so to speak.
I didn't intentionally do some things but that doesn't matter to a WAS. They are hurt enough to walk away. It doesn't mean you are totally to blame but you can only control yourself so that is where you need to start.
Way back when I found this forum I think it was Labug that told me "you have been awful for so many years and that is how long it may take W to learn to trust that you are a changed man if ever." Not the exact quote but close.
I still have hope for my M but I also realize that the damage could be too great to overcome.
I see small steps from my W but nothing close to R so all I try to do is work on myself because I have to live with myself for the rest of my life and I want to be the best I can be for myself. The rest will come if it is meant to.
When my W does talk to me which is rare and we still live together. I try to empathize and validate her feelings, this is much easier to do if you have put yourself in the WAS shoes.
There will be backslides, Lord knows I have them, More recently for me than earlier in the S and I am trying to figure that out at the moment.
When you have backslides hopefully it teaches something so they become less and less frequent.
Again MrBond and 25 your advice and wisdom is invaluable thanks for sharing it with us.
Mindsin, Hang in there!!
Me 47/W 34 T 16 M 13 No kids BD 6/2013 W asked that I move out 6/2013 I moved back and W is upset with this 12/2013 separate beds not much talking Served D Complaint 5/2014 W moved out 9/27/2014
