Finding my way - part 3

[Meghan]

Today I learned that I can successfully drive a car and cry at the same time. This is not something that I really needed to know about myself, but there it is.

A song came on in shuffle that I wasn't expecting because I forgot it was on my phone. It has some meaning for us, and it was hard to hear.

On top of that, I'd been out running errands and I was already sad and angry that H. wasn't here with me. Not that he has to be around all the time, but I was shopping for cutlery and towels and it was the kind of thing that it just felt like he should have been there for. We would have laughed at the ugly cutlery and joked about the colour of towels. Instead, I was out there looking alone and not wanting to make an individual choice about something that was supposed to be for both of us.

I'm just deeply angry that he's stepped out of the relationship and that he's got excuse after excuse for not putting any effort back in now. Today's tears had nothing to do with blame, which is pretty new for me. They just had a lot to do with anger and frustration with someone who I still care a great deal about.