We are going through another round of silence around here. Interesting. H gets very, very quiet when he returns from trips having seen OW. Also very, very sleepless. Not mind reading, just noting.
Otherwise, he hovers near family and seems engaged-ish. (Either on his tablet, or playing interactive games with S and me.)
Note to all: I've spent the afternoon going through drawers looking for last year's school photo of S. I haven't come up with it, but I did come up with some things that made me feel a little sad since there were lots of walks down memory lane. One of the things that I found was a list of 40 things that H loves about me for my 40th birthday 3 years ago. Oddly, some of the things make me wonder if our 40th birthdays (which happened around the same time) wasn't the beginning of his slide into MLC. Many of the things that he loved about me were critiques of himself. Like, "You don't mind that I'm losing all the hair on my head."
I didn't. I never have. But to point it out in a birthday card? There were a BUNCH of those. I dunno. Just struck me.
Lastly - in my IC appointment today we talked about how I have intimacy issues...I don't want people to get too close to me because I'm afraid of rejection. Here's what I realized: THIS IS TOTALLY TRUE. So, I have to go through the worst rejection of all kind to figure that out?? WHAT? That seems totally unfair.
Okay. Soldier on. I've got some work to do on myself!
