Wife STILL in MLC but has now left #1

[pbetra]

Hi Matt,

I dropped by to see how you were since you started this thread.

It's so good to read that you are doing better, not to mention the great advice from fellow posters! (my first thread was mlc RUT, so having a 'rutten' day (or 2, or 3 or, .. ) was not unknown re: me! ) I too will get the book mentioned in this thread, as it is clear that we all experience similiar abandonment issues.

>> Last night my W texted me. A simple one line about the low price of gas at the local Sam's Club. I texted back a thank you for letting me know and that was it. This is the 2nd time in the last 2 weeks she has done this and it is the extent of my contact with her between dropping off D14 and last week, going to have dinner with her grandmother for her birthday. The odd thing is she doesn't even contact me about things when my D is here. <<<

I'll just share my experience with some malicious individuals I encountered before. It's odd - but your W's actions remind me of them for some reason. Your wife was unpleasant when you dropped D off but texted you in private. People do that when they need to make/'keep' you the bad guy. If you’re so horrible, you cannot be communicated with - at all! She will not risk Ds awareness of any contact between the two of you - & initiated by her. My MIL was so controlling & mean that when I ended it, I ended it. Had NO desire to have any contact w/her. No calls (alone, w/others, none - she was toxic & I needed her out of my life). What message is W sending when she takes the time (even if a few minutes) to make a call to you? And more so, if D is there!! You're the problem ! She's not 'walking the talk' - a little covert means she gets to talk to you without the risk of D's knowing. She can't be happy, she's so trapped by 'Dad' - a web of controlling actions/re father with her in the center. Your head will spin if you get too close (before it falls off)!

>> Like you, I'm trying to rejump my social life. I allowed myself, like many married men, to lose most of my friendships outside of work.The others were couples and now I just feel so out of place with them. I work an hour and a half from home, so I don't have "hang out" friends from there. I haven't gone out for a week as my D14 was with me last week and I like to spend time with her when she's here. I need to get out and be social! You sound like a smart, interesting person pbetra. I'm sure you will have no problem meeting new people where you're at now. <<

Yes, GAL is a strong antidote for us LBSers. It isn't easy for me either. It's been a awhile & I am no 'natural' but I know I have to persevere. The 'whip lash' from MLCer roller coasting can be formidable! So I'm working away at it ... It's good that you spent some time with D. - time you will not recover in future and time that she would very much appreciate one day. I have a srrange feeling that you will also meet nice people re: GAL efforts. Like they say here at DB, "baby steps".