Still Together & Trying To Work It Out!

[Azagtoth]

Well, it's been a while since I posted and thought I should follow up and close things out! I'm a little OCD that way!

I am divorcing my wife of 22 years (23 together). Even though I am the Plaintiff, this is a mutually agreed on divorce; we are filing on our own and have agreed to all conditions so is uncontested! Once filed, divorce will be final in 31 days!

I stood for almost a year, but in the end, I realized the marriage was dead a long time ago! I put forth my best effort; took a long hard look at myself and have implemented permanent changes that I am proud of! I am more my old self than I have been in a long time and I am improving more and more each day!

My GAL has become a permanent part of my daily life and it is great! I actually have a hobby that has turned into a money-maker on the side! My relationship with my children have improved as well; I do things with D11 regularly and we are very closely bonded!

The STBX? Well, her and I are still good friends actually! We have had more conversation in the last 2 months than we have ever had! It's great; the white elephant has left the building! She is on her own path now and I sincerely do with her happiness and the best of luck in life! I know we will remain friends....that's the way I want it rather than be bitter and hateful about it!

Now, guess maybe the question is why? To be bluntly honest, a lot of things have come out in discussion, as well as a good long reflection of the past, which told me we have run our course! I realized that I would never be able to trust her fully again after the EA's! Not that I can't forgive, the trust will just never be there again! Couple that with her flatly telling me "she needs to experience other relationships and intimacy with other men" and it kind of puts it into perspective! I'm not going to be a fallback plan after she gets her "fill" and decides she made a mistake! That's life and it has consequences!

I can honestly say I have no regrets other than I hate that it ends this way and I hate that the family unit will be broken! But in the end, there is just too much stress and uneasiness and it's making for a bad situation for all of us including D11. She has been told; we allow her to talk about things openly and ask any questions she wants! We also have a therapist lined up to help her cope with the transition!

Financially, everything is not bad! Aside from CS until age 18 and a small amount of alimony for a few years, I am free and clear! She does not want any of my military retirement or my 401(k). She is a career woman and her reasoning is she wants out so I should not be made to suffer / pay for the rest of my life! We are dividing assets equally, she is buying me out of the house and releasing my VA loan. We split all bills and took what was in our own names. Custody is 50/50 joint with her as primary custodian. It's been modded in such a way, that I have access to her any time I want and not just scheduled days! STBX says I am free to visit anytime and she is welcome in my home!

That's about it! I am finally relieved and all the stress has left my life! I feel comfortable moving forward on my own and I will always be there for D11 and will be reasonable available as a friend to STBX!

There will not be a return; I won't allow it! that's just the way it is! When I am finished healing I'll be ready if someone compatible happens to come along!



Thanks to everyone who offered advice and posted on my thread! I wish all of you happiness; whether that is a reconciliation or peaceful acceptance of a new future!

Thanks!


Azagtoth!