And we could also say that if you validated his feelings (and other male posters) and responses that he would feel understood and be less defensive.
You might be right. Is that my responsibility? Maybe. Maybe not.
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Would you tell a woman who is having trouble talking to her WS to talk to him the same way you just communicated with Pilot? Or would you encourage her to learn to validate what her husband thinks and feels before replying with her thoughts? I don't see any issue with him wanting to make sure he is understood or what his intentions are. It's called communication.
I would absolutely encourage anyone who is looking to save their marriage to learn to STFU and LISTEN with an open mind and validate the OTHER person's p.o.v.
That is what I'm encouraging Pilot to do.
Hmmm, perhaps I could do a better job of validating Pilot's feelings.
Pilot, sorry if you don't feel supported enough. We are all here for the same reason-- many of us are going through a very difficult time, working very hard on changing ourselves to become better people, and sometimes that requires a jolt of tough love. And that can be really hard to hear.
I know that, because I was slammed pretty hard in my first few posts by 25years and Mr. Bond. And instead of getting defensive, I chose to think, "Hey, as hard as that is to hear, maybe they are on to something. I'm here because whatever I was doing was NOT working. And I'm ready to change, so I'm going into this with an open, humbled mind."
I'm actually pretty comfortable with the advice I've given people on these boards. And I'm a huge cheerleader for everyone who comes with an open mind. But you've noticed that I don't have much patience for people who stay stuck or refuse to listen with an open mind, despite the fact that anonymous strangers with full lives take a lot of time and energy out of their days to offer advice and support.
Pilot, we are all here to help. Sorry for this interruption. I get how much it suxx to be in this situation. Hang in there.
