And now? Well, I'm not really sure what's going on right now - LOL!
I *think* he is going through a slow and steady reconnection with things in his life. In no way do I consider this a reconciliation. I'm trying to take things day by day, and see where they lead. Trying my best to accept him for who he is right now, and where he is at right now.
It's hard.
I think it's very easy to fall into the "if only" way of thinking. "If only my spouse would ____" or if only x, y, or z would happen, THEN things would be great and I would be happy.
But I am finding that the more I see my H come back into himself, the closer we get, the more I want. Yes FY, I have ants in MY pants - lol!
I want my H to wear his ring again, to tell me he loves me, to just admit to the affair and get everything out into the open. But I don't want these "if only" desires to shield me from seeing all the progress and positives. It's a conscious effort I have to make.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A year ago, h went with ow to the beach for almost a week. I was heartbroken. But I put my big girl panties on, and used that time to do some special things with our kids. I kept moving forward.
This year, we took a week long family vacation to the beach. It was great, I can't even put into words the happiness and memories of those seven days. I was worried that h may be stressed or annoyed, but he wasn't. At all. The last few days of vacation though, there was an increase in texting...
I think ow is still hanging around, though can't even begin to imagine in what capacity. He's home all the time, and seems to actually BE HAPPY while here. As far as I can gather, they are maintaining a texting R at this point.
I'm not happy about this.
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
