Im afraid to call a lawyer . it feels like another step towards doom . Im really having a hard time here guys . Everything everybody is saying gives me few moments of relief but then i fall back into the hole . Ineed something to pull me out . Maybe a good punch in the mouth , i dont know .
Me 45 W 45 Son 16 Son 14 Married 23 together 27 W threatened sep several times W still at home A discovered Mar 17 2014 A ended DEC 2 ( skeptical )
Im afraid to call a lawyer . it feels like another step towards doom . Im really having a hard time here guys . Everything everybody is saying gives me few moments of relief but then i fall back into the hole . Ineed something to pull me out . Maybe a good punch in the mouth , i dont know .
Well you asked for help, but if you're not going to follow the help and advice you've been given, there's really not much we can do for you.
I, personally, don't do "wallowing," so let me know when you're ready to GET TO WORK, and I'll help you in any way I can, Dawg. I will pray that you gain strength and resolve in the meantime, and that you and your sons will be safe and comforted.
Calling a lawyer is scary. We get it. It feels like the wrong thing to do.
It is the right thing to do to protect you and your boys. You are officially in triage mode, Dawgy, so doing nothing is not good right now.
I work with teenagers professionally. I love them. But sometimes they get stuck in a loop of drama, paralyzed by all of the options and terrified by what they should do. Life is scary sometimes.
And when that happens, I usually listen to their fears for a few minutes and then I say, "Okay. Stop. Cut it out."
It's time for you to stop perseverating on what has happened.
It's time for you to take action to protect yourself and your boys.
Meeting with a lawyer does not mean that you have to get a divorce. Meeting with a lawyer will start a trail of paper that will explain that your wife abandoned you. It will protect you (and your assets) as the dad.
It's not easy and it's not fun and while it feels really uncomfortable to do it, you will feel so much better if you've covered your bases.....It's time to circle the wagons and protect your house.
You'll notice - NO ONE here is telling you to go after WAW. Just protect you.
ok sorry Starsky . I just really beaten up and trying not to wallow. just called lawyer office and hav an appointment for monday . Just a consult . I love my wife and i would give anything not to be in this sitch but you are right I need to start thinking about me and my sons . She isnt going to .
Me 45 W 45 Son 16 Son 14 Married 23 together 27 W threatened sep several times W still at home A discovered Mar 17 2014 A ended DEC 2 ( skeptical )
I get that this is terrifying for you. It feels like a step in exactly the wrong direction. But keep 180s in mind - doing the opposite of what you feel you should do is often the right move, particularly when it's uncomfortable. Try to not listen to those feelings. Or, listen to them but act anyway, just like you've done.
Maybe this will put things in a slightly different light:
One of the most common pieces of advice that people are giving you is to become the best version of yourself. Are you the kind of person who will let difficult things slide until your WaW chooses to walk all over you, or the kind who takes challenging steps to protect yourself in a lousy situation? Are you the kind of dad who will sit by and possibly allow something to happen that will affect his kids, or the kind who will do what's necessary to do the absolute best for them?
And, out of those options, which ones are more likely to make you the kind of person that she'd be a fool to leave?
M - 34 H - 36 Together 10 years Married 4 years BD - March, 2014
its more money than i can afford is the only thing . The lwyer is one of the best around and she $240 an hr. Not sure how Im gonna swing that with everything else now but I guess this is what you guys are recommending
Me 45 W 45 Son 16 Son 14 Married 23 together 27 W threatened sep several times W still at home A discovered Mar 17 2014 A ended DEC 2 ( skeptical )
$ 240 is abit high but her reputation is of the highest and she is partner in the firm . There are other lawyes yes but should you go cheap on somthing like this .No not ton of assets , mostly just worried about children .Im in Canada
Me 45 W 45 Son 16 Son 14 Married 23 together 27 W threatened sep several times W still at home A discovered Mar 17 2014 A ended DEC 2 ( skeptical )
ok sorry Starsky . I just really beaten up and trying not to wallow. just called lawyer office and hav an appointment for monday . Just a consult . I love my wife and i would give anything not to be in this sitch but you are right I need to start thinking about me and my sons . She isnt going to .
Good man.
Dawgy, are you familiar with the Stockdale Paradox? You need to get your mind into a place where you can do the hard work necessary, despite your swirling emotions and also not wanting to lose your hope (which no one is asking you to do, just stop pursuing is all). The Stockdale Paradox is the best way of looking at times such as this that I've ever seen.
