If you haven't talked to friends about this yet - find a few trusted ones who will support you without doing anything crazy like trying to talk to WAW or burn down the house of the OM. You need friends right now, both to support you AND to help you get out of your own head.
And don't forget - while you've got to do the dishes, vacuuming, and laundry, you probably should also get a life. What fun thing do you want to try?? Learn to ride a motorcycle? Get up early and take pics of the sunrise? Train for a 5K? Take a trip somewhere with the kids? Get a massage? Ride some roller coasters?
Think about it and do something great for yourself and your boys!
Dawg, my sons were 14 and 10 when my wife had her affair. While I never would have wished what we went thru on ourselves, we DID end up really bonding that summer and doing more stuff together than ever before. It was one of the really good parts of what my wife and I went thru.
And YES, we DID reconcile. There is hope, but you have to stop looking to your WIFE for your hope now, and begin to look WITHIN and ESPECIALLY look to protect your sons.
Time to find your inner "Papabear," Dawg. Your boys need him.
She's gone. She's actually BEEN gone. So your journey through hell started 4 months ago.
Truly this is an opportunity.
What was the quote that you gave me the other day? When you go through hell, keep going.
What's the worst that could happen? Well - the worst that could happen is that you guys would get a divorce...that's probably how you feel right now.
But then again - you didn't want the marriage that you've had for the last four months anyway.
What's the best that could happen? You could become a stronger, better version of you. You could become a man that she'd be a fool to leave. You could become someone who will be happy and a great dad no matter what the outcome is.
When you go through hell, keep going.
Sounds like you've got a blister on your foot in your marathon, Dawgy...and that [censored]. But - you can do this. You really need to do this for your boys. The time to start becoming the better version of you is right now.
Inner Papabear , yes , yes thats good . I just feel my self man up abit and then i think about her and I crumble . How do I get her out of my head . I guess its not going to get out . I just have to learn to handdle it .
Me 45 W 45 Son 16 Son 14 Married 23 together 27 W threatened sep several times W still at home A discovered Mar 17 2014 A ended DEC 2 ( skeptical )
Inner Papabear , yes , yes thats good . I just feel my self man up abit and then i think about her and I crumble . How do I get her out of my head . I guess its not going to get out . I just have to learn to handdle it .
I'm sorry, dawgy - this is a tough time, and the emotions are hard to control.
If you can, it might be worth trying to let it all out when your kids aren't around. Cry, scream into a pillow, punch a mattress - whatever it takes to vent things for awhile.
Then, once you've gotten that a bit more out of your system, focus on the next steps. MLP's given some excellent advice, so take some time to focus on you and making yourself the best person that you can be.
M - 34 H - 36 Together 10 years Married 4 years BD - March, 2014
I'm sorry, dawgy - this is a tough time, and the emotions are hard to control.
If you can, it might be worth trying to let it all out when your kids aren't around. Cry, scream into a pillow, punch a mattress - whatever it takes to vent things for awhile.
Then, once you've gotten that a bit more out of your system, focus on the next steps. MLP's given some excellent advice, so take some time to focus on you and making yourself the best person that you can be.
Yep -- I did that! Usually around 2am, alone in the bathroom with the exhaust fan on, and a pillow to bury my face in. No shame in that at all -- you do what you have to do in order to be there for your kids during the day!
3. Do you have any close friends or family nearby who you can lean on today? You need support from "someone with skin on" as my granddaughter would say.
Just want to underscore again:
Really, call a lawyer. Ask friends who have been divorced or separated if they know a good one and make the call.
Also - really - call a friend. I told NO ONE for months and months and months. I've still told only a very small handful of people, but the relief I felt when I finally confided in a few friends was PROFOUND. Friends will help save your sanity. Mine have been incredibly compassionate and understand why I'm standing (and I know will be kind to H if they see him in person). You should know who these people are in your life. Call one or two of them!
