afraid I have waited too long #3

[nit84]

couple of updates to my sitch.

First, the bank wants to lend me the money I am looking to cover all of our debt.

Problem is Even though I will be assuming all the debt my W still is on the deed which I don't mind but it means she has to sign the papers also.

If W thinks about it logically she will sign no problem, if she thinks with her emotions there may be bit of a problem convincing her.

The short version is we will save about 1100.00/ per month and her individually about 475.00. I think right there it should be attractive to her.

There are other ways to entice her for instance I would be willing to cover all her household expenses if she drops the support payments. She is still allowed to stay here because her name is on the deed. This means that other than her cell phone bill and maybe a new credit card in her name only she would have no bills at all and still have a roof over her head and a decent job that would allow to move out if she chose to do so.

I don't care either way what she does(stays or get her own place.)but this refinance is needed to help out with keeping us financially stable.

She could say no just out of spite and that would be unfortunate and not her best interest but that is her right.

How can I explain all this in such a way that she will agree that it is good for both of us taking the D emotions out of the equation.

The second thing is The last two nights I have returned home within a few minutes after my W has. The first night I went to a concert. Last night I went out for a smoothie with some friends I returned home at 2 different times specifically to not have W think anything.

Nothing was said the first night but last night she confronted me and said she finds it strange that I returned home minutes after she did. It was said with accusatory overtures. I told her what I did because I have no secrets. She said that fine it is just strange.

I hope this doesn't play into her mind when I explain the money deal.

Any suggestion on how to approach speaking with W about these money options?

And I know I don't owe her an explanation of my doings and whereabouts but I felt I had to tell her in this instance so she knew I was telling the truth and not trying to hide something like I was following her or something.

I have let all of that stuff go and would never follow her although she feels otherwise. All the info I have concerning her life has come from outside sources. I have asked them to stop telling me because I believe I know enough and have learned to let it go.

Any help would be greatly appreciated!!