1 step forward, 1000 steps back - part 3

[mdu]

Thanks everyone. I do get that it's stinkin thinkin. Unfortunately I seem to be in a horrible place that I'm struggling to get out of. I'm really glad I went to the doc and got an anti-depressant, although not sure how I'm going to survive the weeks until it kicks in.

I know I was able to reattract H previously but somehow this time feels very different. I just feel completely hopeless with OW at his workplace now. It just seems an impossible situation to me. H would have to really, REALLY want back in the M for us to have even a remote chance and the fact is he's been waffling since day 1. And I just keep thinking of all the lies H has told, I'm sure there's a butt load more. I feel like there's a culture of deceit in our M that would now be near impossible to overcome.

Anyway, just being honest with where I'm at. I do realize it's not helpful. Struggling to pull myself out of it. Fortunately my brother and his family are coming to visit this weekend so I won't be sitting home alone and depressed.