I do have a lot to work on and I can now see why he's been so angry. I only wish I had been receptive enough to see what he was feeling and trying to communicate. Then again this has been a blessing since now I'm aware or at least been made aware of all the negative behaviors I've been perpetuating. It was hard at first to understand what it was I did that pushed people away. But as I continued to read, I learned that all my self-protecting was sabotaging my R and consequently, my M.
I had no idea how one sided I've been.He has done so much forgiving and forgetting but I just couldn't see it that way until now. I'm utterly and completely grieved that he had to resort to this in order to feel happy again. It's hard but now that I know what it is I need to know, I can't say that I don't know nor can I point the finger on him when the speck in my eye is bigger.
I've been working on healing from past hurts and forgiving my offenders and more importantly myself. GAL has been helpful in getting my mind of my H and his behavior. Being on opposite ends of the country is a plus too. I was reluctant to leave at first but now I see that it's been helpful for both of us. It gives me time to focus on me and my crap and it gives him time to think without any interference from me.
I've made an appt. with a lawyer and will get to meet with her once I get back from my trip. I hope I won't need her services beyond the consultation but...
