WAW having an A but she denies it #2

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First tune that I will learn..i will be happy if i can learn a few chords. I love music, all kinds. But have no musical ability. But I am going to try.

As I read through these comments, and some of Starsky's thread (lot to read still), I do believe in the hard boundary. We cannot work on our R if my W has a OM. Her heart figuratively and literally won't be in it. I know she saw the changes in me. She commented "I feel like I am married to a stranger" and "this guy (pointing to me) is a lot of fun." She even said "all I wanted was 10% of this not 100%." But she then backed most of those comments with "I have nothing left, my feelings have changed." The PA is what is preventing her from opening her heart and working on our M. That needs to end. How will it end? When she decides to end it. When will that be? Who knows...maybe when she realizes how great her family is. But I do know that the more time she spends in NYC, the harder this will be to address.

So how do I continue to show her what she is missing? Be super fun around my kids. But where I struggle is what I can do with/to/around her? I did a lot of great things for during the past six weeks. Was that enough time to show her the "new me"? Over the past six weeks, I have put a small flower on her bedside table that I refresh every few days, bought her different bottles of wine that she has mentioned that she likes, made her some great dinners at home (and for the kids of course), brought her coffee every morning, bought her magazines from the store, and have spent a ton of time talking and connecting. Does all of that end? I think so. But any reinforcements on that point are appreciated.

Hey Shodan,

Your Sitch sounds Similar to mine in a lot of ways.

Even though my WW still is in a relationship with OM, spends hours with him while he's here, but claims it's strictly am EA at this point actually tries to say it's just a strong friendship there is still an OM in my book.

One thing she asks of me is that we do things together that we always enjoyed as a couple, ( by the way I won't do these anymore until OM leaves the country).

For example she likes to go fishing, fly-fishing, hiking, biking, to the gym etc. These are perfect times to spend time together and show her the new me.

Maybe you can think of things like that if she is willing to spend time with you alone.

As an aside, except for the gym thing, none of the other stuff is "scheduled" we may just wake up and I'll say hey do you want to go fishing today, or she has a few times asked me to dinner.

It seems to work better when it's spontaneous, I don't know about you but in my case if I scheduled stuff and plans changed or the place we were going messed up it would cause unnecessary anxiety , but if it's spontaneous and plans change it's much easier to brush off and move on to the next idea . Just my 2cents.