Just had a quick chat with H. He asked me if I had a good day. Our daughter is having trouble behaving in pretty much every situation so we chatted about that a bit. I asked him if he had a good day besides that. He basically said the following:
well, yes and no. i mean, we've talked about this before and I shouldn't be complaining to you but I know what i have to do (move out) but it's a downgrade to do that (meaning the places he's looking at aren't all that great). It's scary, you know? (this is where I validated and listened a lot!) It's scary to leave and it's scary to stay but I know what i have to do, it's just hard. I shouldn't be complaining to you about this. I just have no projects at work, I mean, I have stuff on the horizon but nothing I'm working on right now to dive my head into so I'm not thinking about this so much so it's hard.
I said: well, maybe that's a good thing right now. it gives you the ability to look at places which you wouldn't be able to do if you were snowed under with work. I know it's hard though. It's not an easy situation to be in.
Him: yeah. well, I appreciate you realizing that. It's really not easy. Alright, I don't want to bring you down, you seem chipper and happy and I don't want to bring you down so I'm going to go return some emails and then go to bed early. Goodnight.
Ok! So, help me out here. He said it was " hard to leave and hard to stay" which is totally true, I'm sure it's not easy to leave an unhappy relationship. It's a big step and a difficult one to take for happiness. Just the fact that he said it was also hard to stay makes me think he's considered that. That's a BIG change from just a week ago where he said he doesn't want to stay and can't imagine considering it. Woo hoo! It's not a huge win but I'll take anything right now. I didn't plead or beg or talk about the future or point out my changes or intended changes... I just listened, validated and was friendly, respectful, honorable and open. Wow! It wasn't terribly hard but I had to be very conscious of not showing a sad face or disappointed face. And the chat didn't deflate me like I thought it might midway through. I'm still here and I'm STILL STANDING (which is what my screen name stands for, btw).
He said he wanted to talk to a MC about how to talk to our daughter about the separation. He says he knows what he wants to say but he wants us to be on the same page. I know he wants to say "everything will be fine" and I think that's a lie to tell to a 6 year old but maybe I'm being dramatic. I'm not sure, I haven't thought about it much. Too busy with LRT.
Please give me your thoughts and/or feedback. Keep doing what I'm doing? Whatcha got for me?!
