It's not easy to face these things about ourselves. I can identify with a lot you've mentioned. I could give WOA to others, but felt so fake if I tried with my H.
Start with small things and work up to more and more, then it will become more natural. I think the hardest part is to just "do it" in spite if how awkward it makes you feel. Getting over that hurdle that has held you back and hurt your MR.
He may need you to be his cheerleader to encourage him in his work, or whatever he attempts at home. I learned the hard way that men don't respond well to critisim from the wife. He can take it from anyone but his spouse. The male ego is so fragile. We women have the power to tear that ego apart.....or build him up to believe he can handle whatever he's facing. I think our men really need us to admire them! (Which does not come naturally for me.). We can start the admiration by showing respect for our H. Being careful of the tone of voice we use when speaking to him.....or about him. Being careful of our facial expressions toward him, b/c that says volumes.
You can take the opportunity to teach your D and at the same time direct WOA toward your H. During a conversation at the dinner table, or wherever, bring up something you can brag on daddy. "Didn't daddy do a geat job putting the swing set together? All those screws he had to fit in those little holes!". Of course, you say something like this in front of him. He is recognized for the job he accomplished (which is important to anyone) and to speak appreciation for what he did. And it teaches your child to respect him and sets a platform for how she will treat her future H. It's small, but a start.
Probably the hardest is controlling the tongue and a critical spirit. It's not easy breaking these very old behaviors.....but it is possible! When I read this latest post from you, I thought, "This sister is getting it. She has acknowledged what she did wrong. Has goals she's working on. Seeking guidance on going forward.".
I think you have a shot at this. But at times you may feel as if you are trying to raise the dead b/c of his feelings of being completely done. You are task orientated so set daily goals that have baby steps in reinventing yourself. Think of how you influence your H and child and do or say something that shows them you are proud of them for little day to day things. Showing a warm, sweet, and calm spirit can't help but have a positive effect.
I will be eager to hear how it goes. Oh, I assume you know he will probably think you are being so nice just to lure him back, and then you'll return to old behavior. So this has to be a life long transition for you. It will be up to him as to how he responds. But in time, I believe he will be drawn to you, b/c he fell in love with once before.......and it can happen again.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
