1. Being thoughtful through my actions. E.G - Putting a little sticky note on her steering wheel, wishing her to have a great day. Writing her a poem (only one so far, which I haven't shown yet -- I only told her about it). Are you counting the poem you talk about having written, as a thoughtful gesture? I mean, why not "tell" her you wrote a whole novel about how great she is but then, show it to no one....? I mean, give it to her already. What's the hold up? Oh, you want to show her you have moved on...
believe me you are so far behind on the "giver" charts, that a poem given to her won't throw her off track. What she was saying IMO< is that your kindness throws her off b/c for so long she has been neglected by you, that it confuses her when you are kind and thoughtful.
So now you wonder if you should STOP being kind and thoughtful? Do you really wonder this or do you just want us to give you permission to quit?
Making her dinner. Bringing her favorite snack to work. These are all borderline (or outright) pursuing, aren't they? You said she works longer hours than you do. This^^ is just decent behavior. At least imo, that's all it is. For you to withhold that, to make yourself dinner but not her, is weird. And unkind.
2. Making sacrifices so that my WAW (who works longer hours than I do) has more time to relax, etc. Accommodating around her schedules, helping out with household chores, etc. This one seems like I'm pursuing also.
NO ^^^^ this is normal give and take. I know you're not used to it, but really it's just adult behavior with 2 working parents. No offense.
3. Being open and communicative. Talking about my feelings, and not hiding anything. This one I have to be careful with as I don't want to reveal too much.
Can you just thank her for kind actions and not "worry" that it reveals too much?
Can you just be courteous and polite to her and upbeat? Can you have a PMA around her, and not be miserable company?
^^^That is NOT letting her "cake eat", it's just being decent at a fundamental BASIC (as in "always should have been") level..
Don't confuse decent courtesy, behavior your wife has been owed forever, with being a doormat. They are NOT the same thing and in your case, if you are not sure which is which, I'd err on the side of being a
"doormat" b/c you tend to choose the selfish path too often. I don't mean to insult you with that but it is a pattern of yours here...you keep thinking doing what most people do for mere acquaintances, is above and beyond. And it's not.
Mind what did you think of the letter from the WAW to a LBH? Remember?
You never once commented on it, or anything I've posted to you, come to think of it...(hmmm that says something doesn't it?)
I showed you what another woman wrote about when HER H thought she should come home to him. In their case, her h HAD changed for the better....yet she still was interested in the OM. Did you understand her POV? It really matters a lot that you learn to see her POV b/c I'm betting it's your wife's....
need me to post that again?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
