Wife wants marriage with OM, is there any hope?

[25yearsmlc]

Mindsin,

I'm a sucker for cheeseless tunnels, apparently. Because here I am, again, posting to you. And you have been going around in circles with some majorly helpful vets.

So, I have a question for you: Why are you here? What do you hope to get out of your participation in this forum? What questions do you have for the vets here, and/or what would you like feedback on?

These are not snarky questions. They are actual, serious questions.

(I asked this question of another highly defensive man recently... he never answered and has since disappeared for the moment).

If you put down your defenses, and read the posts from Mr. Bond and 25yrs, you might find peace within yourself, and quite possibly save your M.

I am here because I am desperate to save my marriage and I don't know which direction to turn. I've been getting all kinds of advice from friends, from the Internet, from my DB coach.

THEN CHOOOSE AMONG THEM^^^ AND FOLLOW A COURSE OF ACTION or you will keep spinning your wheels and going in different conflicting directions

You have a DB coach and that is who you should follow. We will try to support what the DB coach tells you

(but make sure you quote them exactly, AND that they have the same information we have.)
No more shopping around for new different (easier) answers. You cannot do a completely different approach for 4 days and then another one for a week and do justice to either.

Make a choice and follow through. Here is the "math" of it. Do the math.

Consistent change + sufficient time = change she can believe in.


My situation is such a complicated mess that I fear each move I make. I started reading the DR book and I'm looking to supplement the book and the DB coaching with good feedback from you folks.


It's NOT that complicated and when you say it is, you are building failure and an excuse to quit, right into the "plan".

1) FINISH the books. 2) no, seriously, FINISH the whole book (s).

3) Supplement with us and your coach; and

4) when something conflicts with your DB coach, ignore it and follow the coach's advice.

Clear?

I'm sorry if I come off as defensive, but that's sort of in my nature. I'll try to be more conscious of it going forward. I really do appreciate everyone's responses, whether or not I agree with them.

Being defensive maybe your nature but it's not a trait to cultivate. No offense okay but it's a flaw to work on. It prevents and hinders growth and insight and almost always hinders effective communication.

I'd work on that if I were you and I really really mean that.