WAW having an A but she denies it #2

[Train]

Hey, sho.

I didn't get around to posting re: the "exposure" question at the end of your last thread.

I am in Starsky's camp on that one. Granted, I had already exposed the A by the time I came back here to the boards. I told my family (including our children - even S8 because he was on his dad's phone and read some disgusting texts), H's family and OW's place of employment (because she was on-duty when she gave her phone number to my H). And then I exposed the A to OW's H once it was clear the two were still sneaking around after they said they'd end the A.

I don't regret it.

I don't like shaming ANYBODY and ESPECIALLY the man I love. I take no joy in that at all. And I can take my lumps all day long. But I will never lie down and say that I deserved to be cheated on. No way, no how. And call it ego if ya want, but I was not going to let my H run around and trash ME by saying I was a POS wife, without gently telling people the REAL reason we were separated.

I also exposed because I think it shortens the duration of the A; a huge part of the allure is that it's shrouded in exciting secrecy. The fantasy can exist as long as it's secret. Exposure rains on the parade. It also makes "real-world problems" come along, which make them realize their affair-partner maybe isn't so perfect after all. They get to start seeing that person for who they really are.

I didn't shout my H's affair from the rooftops by any means. I wasn't PROUD my H was having an A. I was, actually, ashamed and humiliated. I also made sure to tell anyone I told that I took responsibility for my part of the breakdown of our M, and I was open about my "contributions." I also told them I would be willing to work on my M as soon as the A ended.

I'm not suggesting it works for everybody. But it worked for me.

My H is home, and our relationship is growing stronger each day. We're hitting bumps along the way, but none of those have been attributed to the fact that others know of the A.

Be careful WHO you tell - and, outside of family, I wouldn't say anything unless prompted or asked. And maybe this is a moot point now, but I did want to share my experiences, especially since Starsky - who makes THREE smart cookies - mentioned them in your last thread.

Hope you're well. You sound like you're in a good place, considering the circumstances.