Wife wants marriage with OM, is there any hope?

[25yearsmlc]

This morning, I made another mistake. I sent her an e-mail regarding my feelings about overhearing her conversation with the OM. I indicated that hearing her conversation with the OM made me truly sympathize with how she must have felt when she saw my e-mail and read the words I said to the independent escort I was seeing. In that e-mail, I was calling the escort girl sweet names and telling her how beautiful she was, and how we had a wonderful time together, etc. That must have ripped her heart.

Then I went on the offensive.

Naturally.... b/c you MAY have been getting somewhere owning your own stuff you might have seemed sincere and humbled.....but NOPE.

You HAD to keep score and keep her self esteem down so of course you had to go on the offensive.

IMO that was wrong of you big time. I cannot stress the enormity of that error enough. You have to STOP being on the offensive b/c it is most of your R with her.

I asked her if she's really prepared to walk away from this marriage and put our children's happiness and well being into jeopardy. I called her out about not giving a crap about the OM's wife and kids, then I went on about how if our children had a voice, I'm pretty sure they'd want to live with mom and dad as a family.

She replied back saying that she too lived with similar mental torture during those years I cheated. She cited examples, like me going out with an escort while she was at home pregnant 8 months with our 2nd child. Then she continued citing examples of my disrespect and lack of appreciation for her efforts in this marriage.

All her points are valid.

Finally, she asked if this was happening to my own daughter, what would I tell her.

I spoke from that perspective and replied with a very long e-mail basically trying to make my case about how she needs to really reconsider her decision to continue the A, and pursue a D.

You did NOT speak from your d's perspective b/c then you'd have to admit you'd have advised your d to leave her h when he cheated on her, especially while pregnant. (To many women, being cheated on while pregnant is the height of insult. We are literally carrying our h's child at the risk of our own lives, to endure a painful labor, give birth, never be quite the same, to have health problems later in life if the pregnancy or delivery were unusually difficult, and all this, to be cheated on by the father of that child???

Then I sincerely apologized for hurting her so many times and how I wish I could turn back the clock and make everything right again. I then pleaded my case about how I can be a great husband for her and how much I still deeply love her. I was asking her for one last try.

She didn't respond to that e-mail. But later on, she called me and asked if I wanted to have lunch with her. We met up for lunch and talked about everything except the situation. We made small talk, and talked about our kids, our jobs, etc. It was a very short lunch because she had to leave and pick up our son.

Why did she make the effort to drive out of her way (completely in the opposite direction) to meet me for a quick 20 minute lunch, and not say a word about the e-mail exchange from the morning? It didn't make much sense to me.


Makes total sense to me. She wanted to see if you two could share some time, ANY amount of time, without you throwing it in her face. Guess that was too much for you.

Was she simply trying to see if I went over the deep end?

the fact that you'd ask that^^ question is what disturbs me...it's an odd one. ARE you going off the deep end? Why would she believe that? What are you not telling us?




She is afraid that I or the OMW will go to her company and expose this A.

did you get that^^^ out of her wanting to spend a few peaceful minutes with you??? Man, you sure spin things negatively fast....that is some wacky stinking thinking on your part...


She's made that clear several times. Maybe she came to see me to make me hang on to a little bit of hope at reconciliation and to keep me cooperating so she can continue the A and plan her future with the OM.


OMG stop it! ("Maybe she was secretly bugging my car so she could later tie a bomb to it and blow me up....")

What is the matter with you? YOU asked for a chance to reconcile and when she spends time with you if it does not go exactly as YOU want it to go, it MUST be due to an evil plot of hers....wow, buddy you need a good IC and let them read what you write here...

Maybe she was touched by my e-mail just enough to perhaps make her second guess her choices. Like I may have mentioned before, she is the type of person who has the ability to detach herself emotionally from any situation and make decisions based on reason and facts. I really have no idea what her motive was.

Then stop worrying/obsessing about it - and ENJOY time you are given with her, and do not wreck it.