Wife wants marriage with OM, is there any hope?

[MrBond]

"MrBond -

What exactly do I need to understand about my W that I already don't? I already understand how much I've hurt her over the years -- not just with the infidelity, but with the other faults I've listed."

The fact that your W wants to leave you and yet you're oblivious to why (although it is VERY obvious to us) is what you need to understand. You have a great do as I say and not as I do attitude.

"She is using those things as justification for this A. Even without the OM, she would find it very difficult to reconcile with me. With the OM, it's almost impossible."

For someone who claims to "understand" alot about A's, you certainly don't show it. It's all from your POV and what is acceptable to you. Since your W doesn't follow your "moral" code, you condemn her even though what you did was 100x's worse.

I notice that you didn't respond when I said that you're getting all bent out of shape about her ONE affair. How do you think she felt about your MANY AFFAIRS? Pretty selfish of you.

"What else am I missing?"

claire summed it up pretty well and you just shot her down and shut her up. That shows exactly how you treat your W. If you disagree, you argue your point, think you're right and not listen.

"I absolutely condemn my wife's A harder.

- I never threatened to break apart my family.
- I never said "I love you" to another woman.
- I never called another woman my "soulmate".
- I never brought my CHILDREN to meet any of my "lovers" behind my wife's back.
- I never said to her, "Hey, honey, I'm coming home from work, then I'm going to spend the night with an escort. Make sure you drop the kids off at school in the morning".

I don't need to be a moral authority to know what's morally wrong about what is CURRENTLY going on."

This part of your post is particularly laughable. What do you think you did to YOUR W's self esteem? All you do is talk about yours, and how damaged you were, etc. But I can tell you that she suffered worse. You just don't see it.

I will tell you this. If you continue to not listen (and 25yearsmlc has a great post to you), you will fail yourself and more importantly your W. You don't seem to get that. You don't seem to understand why your W just doesn't "get over it". Well you don't seem to be "getting over" her A, and you did it many times over to her.

In fact, from your reaction here, I totally understand and maybe even encourage your W to seek a new relationship because you don't seem to be able to have any empathy towards her. It's all about you.

You say that you haven't been "controlling" her which is also laughable because that's all you've been doing.