Spinning away, both of us actually.....

[Whiterose]

Hi Everyone,

I'm here for a little update as I've been away (as you can see) for a while. I see so many new names, and similar stories, and it breaks my heart to see you all in so much pain......it can suck big time. BUT, if you do the work, you can laugh again.

H and I are in the middle of going through the separation agreement for finalization. About 6 weeks ago he said he didn't want to use L's anymore and that he was on the verge of bankruptcy. He's got Revenue Canada, his own L and two different cc after him with no way of paying. He's, reluctantly, agreed to give me what I'd been asking for so that I can assume the mortgage and pay him, and his bills, out. I agreed to help him by constructing an email and phone calls (which I secretly recorded as he has a tendancy to "forget" and twist the truth) as his name is on my house and I need him to hold off on bankruptcy until I can assume it. Through our conversations I've thrown a lot of truth darts his way (that the he's in this mess as a conseuqence to his actions, that his boys don't really engage as I warned him from the moment he left they were angry, and many more.....I'm kinda done being the punching bag). As he's getting a settlement I said we should move forward with the D at the same time (I won't pay for the D but neither will I be like his sister where I'm still separated 13 years later with a child from my new fiance) ..... panic mode has set in for him now. I got "Why are you in such a rush for D....you find someone" then I got the "you're pushing for D but you want me to pay for it" I didn't respond to his boyfriend text (I would not dignify such a dumb comment) but when he made that second statement we were on the phone I said
"why wouldn't we move forward? because you're planning on coming back? because I want you back? NO so let's not drag this out!"
in the end I managed to get a date from him that he would have the money and filings done....December 31, 2014 (happy new year's) and it is now part of the agreement. For those of you that know my stitch H wants his tools, camping gear and fishing gear (pretty much all he's walked away with) 2 weeks ago I asked if he was coming to get it and he wants to know if I'm in a rush to see it gone. UGGGG I said you seemed to want it and it was a good time to grab it....he didn't have time. I know that this stuff will be here for a while. It's his way of keeping one foot in the door.

Boys are doing ok. Still have ups and downs, I am a single mom of two teenage boys so there are days I wish you could eat your young . S19 did the Ride to Conquer Cancer (a 2 day bike ride which he raised $2800 for cancer research) His finish line was about 20 minutes from H's new house and he never showed either day. It was Father's Day weekend. S19 and I got into a big fight that night and then he said something and I understood what we were really fighting about....H never showed. He told me that crossing the line sucked, he didn't need a dad, that watching all those other dads with their kids and the signs. He proceeded to sob in my arms for 20 minutes. I told him that he does need a dad and that it's not fair and how sorry I was. I talked to H a few days later and he made a comment about something and I tore a strip off of him....I told him how his 6'3" 200lbs son sobbed in his mother's arms because of HIM. I said WHERE WERE YOU!?!?!? It makes me want to cry just typing this.....H has told S19 he would ride with him next year (this was S19's third year and his first H did it with him).....we'll see what happens next year.
S15 has spent a few weekends with H now. It seems to go OK. Why wouldn't it? Dad's house is easy they go on hikes and out to eat every meal. H did fix S15's bike (he came one day after work and picked it up, which is 90 minutes round trip, so it was nice) .

I've started dating here and there. Just a few dates, nothing more than one - two dates

Hope you're all well....thanks for listening