"I absolutely condemn my wife's A harder." wow. just wow. I wonder if she has her own list of reasons why HER affair is more justified than yours were?
If her having an A (or the kind of A she is having) is a deal breaker for you (which it sounds like it may be), then you should file for D and let her be.
If you would like to attempt to save your M, then you should read DR and get off your high horse.
You can set a boundary-- you can say that as long as she is seeing OM, you can't be 'friends' with her or have a relationship with her outside of co-parenting. That is a choice YOU can make. But you cannot control what she does or how she feels.
Looking forward to seeing some self-reflection and introspection from you.
