Wife wants marriage with OM, is there any hope?

[MrBond]

You really don't "get it" do you?

"The things I've done were done years ago."

So? Ask anyone who has been on the receiving end of being betrayed by an A. They will tell you that the scars and mind movies last alot longer than that. You just don't choose to see that.

"A lot has changed since then. The things I've done had everything to do with the addictive lifestyle I led, and nothing to do with my wife or my love for her. I've come to terms with that back in 2011."

Great for YOU. And again, you seem to concentrate alot just on you and how YOU feel. Yet you condemn your W 10x's harder than it seems she did to you.

"It is absolutely sweeping it under the rug, and there is nothing wrong with that."

That's what you think. That's what landed you here. You don't seem to get it.

"Why would I continually bring myself back to a time when I was selfish and destructive?"

Again you talk only of yourself. We are saying that the underlying problems that your W had with the A are still there. You just don't want to acknowledge her feelings because YOU are suddenly at peace with what you did. She is not.

"I want to leave that life behind. I want to be able to forgive myself for what I did."

All self-centered. You're not thinking about your W. We aren't saying to bring up the past to beat yourself with it. We are saying that you need to understand the impact it had on your W and deal with it from her POV.

"That can never happen if I keep beating myself down over and over again. That can never happen if I can never let go of the guilt. That can never happen if I keep excusing my wife's infidelity. I could never respect myself if I keep doing that. And I certainly couldn't expect respect from others."

Wow, how much more selfish can you be? And again, who made YOU the moral authority of your relationship?

Bottom line is that if you want to save your M, you're going to have to stop getting defensive about your past and start listening and understanding. You're not being attacked. We are trying to get you to understand but you don't seem to want to.

Why don't you go ahead and just file for D already? It would save your W alot of heartache in the future since you won't change.