Saving my marriage by focusing on ME!

[25yearsmlc]

Why is semen analysis ick? Well, I suppose it's ick in the sense of thinking about his semen on her garments, but so is an STD test ick and so is a paternity test ick. The semen test is to see if she is having sex with OM. That's a good thing to do...to know what is going on. Why do you say Just No?

Emma, have you read the DB books? This type of "snooping" is VERY frowned upon. There's nothing to discover anyhow. We know she's been physical with OM. Nothing new there.

And it's NOT ""a good thing to do" for a reason. We are here to save marriages, not convict our spouses of adultery. In some states it's not even relevant to a divorce and in his case it's not a mystery.
Getting those types of details will further obsess Ox and keep him OFF track, (the "track" I'm referring to, is HIS personal work and growth and LESS obsessing, not more).

Also, "knowing what is going on" is NOT the test for whether something is good for a marriage.

I would urge you to review the chapters on snooping and why it's advised against.'

I'll give you a hint however. If someone KNOWS for 100% certainty that a PA would be a deal breaker, then it may be a good idea to verify it before filing for divorce.

But when you are working thru an affair, and trying to salvage a marriage, when it's not a deal breaker, you don't bother accumulating "evidence" with which to convict/confront or humiliate your spouse.

He's trying to set boundaries AND keep the road home, "paved & smooth", not to make more hurdles for her. She'll have enough as it is. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

Do you understand why we say this?

If not, check those chapters out.