True I didn't think about the choice factor. I was thinking in, terms of the man I knew was gone. I will check out the book you, mentioned !

Me 44 H 42
M 10 T 12 (at time of BD)
Ss 20 16
S11 (special needs)

BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom
10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied
S and I move out 3/15