Eyes on the prize...

[artsy]

Just got off the phone with H- I decided I hate the texts and emails. I'm going to call instead whenever I can. It's more "human".

After talking logistics re: when he would be by to get tools and dog, he talked about his dad. (I asked how he was doing).

H opened up a lot. I do think FIL is recouping well considering, it's just H is having a hard time dealing with the reality of his aging parents. H is worried his dad has Alzheimer's- that's not what's going on, and I explained to him what that would look like. I said I really just think he's seeing all of his dad's past health issues take their toll. Add in the TIAs, and... It was a good talk.

He said he spends all of his free time at his parent' house (I'm sure not ALL of it...). He mows the grass, etc. and I realized a couple things:
1. He wanted to escape responsibilities. He literally said he just wanted to go to work, come home and not worry about anyone else. So now he has his parents to take care of. His escaping responsibility is most definitely NOT working out for him right now. (Uhhhhh, because it doesn't for anybody!!!! It's called
Life!!!) will this prolong his MLC journey? Will it be the catalyst to lift the fog--- not likely. His rock bottom would most likely involve his work. It's all he cares about, if you are to believe his actions. This may very well have no effect. Only time will tell.

2. This is proof in Gods perfect timing. His parents need him right now. I do not.

I cried when I got off the phone. It wasn't a pity party sort of cry. It was a "oh, I get it" type of release. Not only the timing of it all, but the realization:::::

He keeps mentioning how "cold" his mom is. The more time that passes, the more he says it and the more resentment he has in his voice. Before, at and shortly after BD, he pointed out what he thought were similarities in his mom and me. He will openly admit her coldness towards him as a child has messed him up as an adult.

He has since retracted his statement about me, and then tried on a couple of occasions to backtrack and tell me I'm the warmest, kindest person he knows.

While I am nowhere near his mom's extreme (she can be heartless at times), I most definitely did not love him the way he needed to be loved. I owned this fact 7 months ago. I've apologized to him. He won't accept my apology (see above paragraph). I believe he was being honest when he compared me to her.

Our conversation today helped that hit home. I'm off to the prayer room at my church. I've got some meditating to do.