Mindin, I am no vet at all, but you are getting GREAT advice and questions from vets (MrBond, and 25yrs), and it doesn't sound like you are really listening to them.
Originally Posted By: mindsin
MrBond -
The things I've done were done years ago. A lot has changed since then. The things I've done had everything to do with the addictive lifestyle I led, and nothing to do with my wife or my love for her. I've come to terms with that back in 2011.
2011 is "Years" ago?? Sorry, not really. And maybe you've "come to terms" with it, but what about your W? You seem to quite easily excuse your behavior (it was an "addictive lifestyle"), without really addressing the hurt you inflicted on your W and family.
Quote:
It is absolutely sweeping it under the rug, and there is nothing wrong with that. Why would I continually bring myself back to a time when I was selfish and destructive? I want to leave that life behind. I want to be able to forgive myself for what I did. That can never happen if I keep beating myself down over and over again. That can never happen if I can never let go of the guilt. That can never happen if I keep excusing my wife's infidelity. I could never respect myself if I keep doing that. And I certainly couldn't expect respect from others.
Yes, there is something wrong with sweeping YOUR mistakes under the rug if you are now vilifying your W for doing what you had done to her, repeatedly, for years.
She asked you what you love/miss about her-- and your answers were pretty much physical. That would be a huge turn off for me, personally. I would want to know what my H loved about me AS A PERSON, not as a physical object.
What is the OM giving her that you have not? How are you working on YOU?
