Finding my way - part 2

[Meghan]

I spent some time this morning picking apart my anxiety after I woke up.

Today, it seemed to be about fearing that the last four years - or possibly even ten years - would be a waste if we can't work this out. That I would have wasted the best years of my life on something that never became what it could have been. That I played a role in that failure and its wastefulness. That within the relationship my world became so small that there were many additional things that I didn't do that I could have.

Of course, that doesn't account for the fact that there were still many things that I did in that time. Finished a grad degree. Got a job, plus a number of side jobs. Made great friends. Got myself in a reasonable financial position.

Clearly it's not all bad, but the feeling that this time has been wasted was intense and a big driver of this morning's panic.