Saving my marriage by focusing on ME!

[Oxford1]

So this was forgotten In that brief interchange above

Duh. Yeah. Let me repeat it so you can get it through your skull. 2x4 time: Ox, I recommend you stop all mention of OM. Don't think about him. Don't talk about him. If she brings him up, put your hand up and say you don't really care to hear about him. If she continues walk out of the room.

I was told by an outside source that when WW says to me " how are You" or texts it to me ( which she tends to do every few days) that I should reply with;
" My wife has a boyfriend"

No! See above. You're obsessed with the OM. Let it go! Get a life. Really.
And don't try to kiss her. That's pursuing. If she kisses you that's ok. But don't use her advance as an excuse to jump her bones. Maybe a kiss from her is just a kiss. Don't read anything into it. Detach. Distance yourself from her emotions.

My earlier post: print it out. Read it over and over until you internalize it. Stop thinking about OM. Stop pursuing your W. Work on yourself. Work on your need to control. Why do you feel you need to control? Why do you feel a need to make snarky comments to your W about OM?

When she says something to push you buttons, how do you normally react? Describe that reaction. What is the opposite to that reaction? Now choose to do the opposite reaction when she pushes your buttons. That's the 180. You will get a totally different response from W. It will seem awkward and counterintuitive, but keep it up; you'll get more comfortable with the new reactions. And you may see a change in your W. Keep it up for 2 weeks. If things don't improve, then drop that reaction and try something different. (this is straight out of the DB book).

I like your suggestion about writing down what has not worked and doing the opposite.

I do react better when I write things.

I still remember when my grade school teacher would make you write 200 times, I will not talk out of turn... And guess what that always worked!

I might try that on myself...

I will not talk about OM.
I will not talk about OM
Etc...