WAW having an A but she denies it

[25yearsmlc]

I'm actually glad Starsky told you that the way he told you. B/C he did also tell you this is NOT a DB method,

but it's not necessarily wrong. It's not just espoused here as part of "the way" but like he says, it helped in HIS situation.

I happen to think he got kind of lucky or maybe he just handled it carefully enough AND OR maybe his wife just pushed him too much.

But usually, and I mean almost always, I see the involvement of others backfire.


That's b/c USUALLY it's coming from a place of anger (punishment) which makes the LBS look like a raving vindictive nut, or just an angry person who "deserved" to be cheated on (sorry but I really have seen that said more than once)

or it comes from the desire to control the other person, and or to avoid owning your part in whatever the marriage problems were.

I have never seen it help to involve a 3rd party, I have seen it hurt the chances of a recon in every other case (except Starsky's). My HS Class reunion was coming up and on our FB page, some LBW posted about OW "stealing her h" and warning our classmates not to "let their h's out of their sight" or OW would steal them...a number of people contacted me (I'm the admin of the FB page) and asked me to delete the LBW's post.

No one said a word about OW (our classmate) or the h (also a classmate) and the few comments I heard were all negative and all about the wife!

I felt bad for the w, but as my classmates said, "why put that on OUR class page?"

Her post was designed to embarrass/shame her h and the OW, obviously.

And that did not reflect well on the Wife, and that's how it was seen.

Right or wrong, that's^^ not an uncommon reaction. Just so you know.

Please Keep your eye on the ball and the ball is YOU, not the OM. He's a symptom, not the cause.

Do you get that?

What are YOUR 180s? What are the traits in you that you want to work on?