One thing she seemed to do pretty consistently was keep the lines of communication open with her H, while trying not to judge him, even though he was being so hurtful.
My H has said similar things about never being able to get past this with me, that I should go on and be happy with someone else, that he is "broken" and doesn't think he can be fixed.
I don't want to be his "pal", but maybe I need to be his shoulder. If he reaches out, I can be there to listen without judgement, even if I don't agree. -----------------------------
I see now I have confused detaching with withdrawing, and not-pursuing with shutting him out.
I can feel detached without withdrawing from him. I can refrain from pursuit without actually distancing or shutting him out.
If I am too overwhelmed or emotional to keep it together, withdrawal might be necessary for a time to get my bearings.
I can see that he's fragile. I will continue to work on my compassion while reminding myself not to take the things he's doing personally.
Sometimes I lose sight of that when his actions seem to discount my value so heavily.
I know I'm worth it. I hope in time he will see this too, and then perhaps be able to be the man I need him to be.
Meanwhile, all I can do is encourage him and believe in him.
That's the other thing Raine did.
Even when she lost faith, it sounds as though most of the time she was able to communicate that to her H.
---GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
