History: Married 25 years to wife, first marriage for both of us. Daughter is 22 and son is 14. I was diagnosed with Parkingsons Disease 8 years ago and own my own business since 1986.
In March this year my wife came to me and said she did not love me anymore. After a night of intense talking we decided to see a C and have been going since then every 2-3 weeks.The C recommended 5 Love Languages and we both read the book and worked on filling each others tanks. I am a touch person and W is a Acts of Service person. For the first couple of weeks she made an effort and I also did by making bed, cooking, doing things on her list etc. She tried harder in our sex life but more importantly sitting or laying close to me and we seemed to be getting closer. Then about end of March she started shutting down and going to bed early, not wanting me to come in so she could sleep better. I told the C that she seemed to just "squeeze" me in when she could.. not just sex, but attention. I really screwed up by going to the local Casino and hanging out there on those nights she did not want me around (I felt). I NEVER hung around women or chased them, just started gambling with a few guys I met and continued. Two weeks ago today, she confronted me about the Casino and showed me the bank statement she had printed with $7000.00 worth of withdrawls. I admitted to doing it and the next day was our C session where I admitted to going and said I would not go into the place ever again. The C asked me why I did it and I explained that W was cold and I was bored, bit mainly upset she had no time for me. The C asked W if she thought she had contributed to me going and my W said, yes, she did not really want to deal with me in bed or any where else for that matter. C said try to talk about daily things around house etc an we have a meeting with C in 2 weeks.
Got home from C and W said get out of the bedroom and sleep on the sofa in the basement family room. For the first week I begged pleaded, cried, had anxiety attacks in front of W and really pushed her further away. Last week I read Dobsons tough love and although it is for A in marriage, I thought the idea of opening the cage and backing off was a new way to try. I told my W two days ago that I am opening the door of the cage, that I want her to be my W forever, but I will not be crying or begging her to stay with me. I told her she married me 25 years ago cause she thought she should, and that I did not beg or cry for her to do it then. Then 2 days ago I came across this site and read every thing I could.. Same basic idea that you work on you and let the spouse have the space they want and detach from them. So I am doing it two days in...
My biggest question is this. I have been promising W to buy her a newer car as she drives a 15 year old car that is worn out. Obviously she throws it in my face that the 7K I spent at the Casino could have done that. I agreed that I was selfish, vindictive and should have gotten her a car. Today I received a nice portion of money for a project that I am selling a customer in my business and have it pretty much ready to go. My W knows that I have been working on this customer to buy it and knows the money was supposed to come today which it did. Question is: do I buy her a newer car since the in house seperation? It seems like a gift or buying her love based on what I read here and in Dobsons book, but I promised her the car when the deal went through.. This was prior to the in house seperation but I am sure it will put her into orbit if she does not get one..
ANY and ALL comments or advice will be great. I am holding to the 37 steps and I am being cordial but not calling her or bringing her anything when I go out. I am not nasty to her, just trying to detach.
