Dealing with WAW Part 3

[pilot]

I guess i don't see this approach as very enticing to her. And I absolutely do not see complimenting your wife as pursuing behavior. If it's about how "Sexy" she is, THAT is flirting and that is pursuit, and might be fine anyhow, but it's a lot different than merely complimenting her.

^^^^^This right here is the root of our back and forth. This makes complete sense to me, and I now see your viewpoint more clearly. To me, saying you look very nice would be the same as saying you are sexy. But as a woman, you clearly see the difference. So it must be there. Problem solved. She will now look nice

I don't think an authentic compliment is pursuit, and if balanced by circumspection in you, (which I KNOW it will be b/c you are very withholding,)

This is the kind of nugget of insight I am looking for. This is helpful to know.

Also, you identified being selfish as something she has said, and you admitted there is some validity to it. So how are you working on that?

Nonononono. I never said that. Stubborn, not selfish. I am the most unselfish person, especially when it comes to my friends and family.



While I appreciate your posting the clip, I assure you my attempts at keeping my M together has zero to do with winning. Truth be told, I am at a point where I really do not know if I want my W back. And maybe that is the problem. When we are together, I know we have progress. But I do not see her the same anymore. I do not have that spark. Before BD day, I would never have dreamed of uttering a single criticism or unflattering remark about my W to anyone. Now I have a hard time thinking wonderful thoughts even to myself. I honestly believe right now at this point, I could walk away and have no regrets. The reason I do not is maybe I am holding out on the idea that spark will come back to me at some point. That desire to be with her will once again burn deep. Because right now, I am pretty indifferent. I will keep at the DB efforts to the best of my ability and understanding, and see what happens. And yes I have a lot of things to work on regarding myself, and I will continue that. I have a real fear that maybe my W will come around and want to R. And I fear I might end up a WAH.