"Speak Softly": The Amoeba Whisperer!

[GoatGal]

Thanks for clarifying that for me, job.

I was thinking that my distancing was backfiring because I thought if it was "working" (whatever THAT means) that his response would be to pursue.

I thought maybe he was an exception, with self-esteem so low and so much damage done that he'd rather just throw in the towel than make the effort.


It's hard for me to get an accurate read on this via his behavior.

The Viagra and online dating profile certainly don't point to him even considering moving closer to me at any point.

I know he'll do what he'll do, but I FEAR (there's that word) that by being so "one foot out the door" in my GALing that he just figured he'd shop elsewhere.


In DB/DR I thought Michelle said that after several weeks I should begin to see if my efforts are being noticed or making an impact with him one way or the other.
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So I'll stick with very pleasant "need to know", keeping to the phone rather than text, let him initiate most of that unless I have a legit reason.


I will be "around" when he's here, but will not seek him out.
He will be able to see me, but he'll have to make the first move to chat, per above.


I will continue to use his LL, "Acts of Service" and "Words of Affirmation". He also likes gifts but I'm not comfortable with that.

(I did get him a nice cigar in VA, didn't give it to him. I'm waiting for the right moment if one arises. If I do give it to him, I'll just leave it in his truck or something so he doesn't have to thank me or acknowledge it. And only in response to some positive actions from him. Or I'll smoke it myself!)
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I have gotten excellent advice from the vets on here and I don't want anyone to think I'm ignoring it!

I just was unclear on whether he was one that needed a little more encouragement. You know, "Don't Spook the Squirrel"!!!


I am a very dynamic woman, happy, busy, involved in lots of things, with lots of friends.

My mother has suggested that all this intimidates the hell out of him.
On the one hand, he is proud of me, used to love to trot me out to his corporate superiors... Yet....

These days he prefers to have sex with and associate with people he can feel superior to. He's said so about the former, and his consistent actions prove the latter, going on three years now.

I can't change myself---WON'T change myself---to be less than who I am so he feels better about himself.

I am not a hard woman, nor a controlling one. I can work harder on validating him, etc., but at some point it's disingenuous for me to put myself below him, where it seems comfortable for him.

I want an equal partner.

And he seems to want a sycophant.

----GGG

(Definitely rambling now... Sorry...)