What i am going to say is not in order to be mean to you....but you may need individual therapy to see what drove you to destroy your H's manhood. Clearly, you did not respect him. Like many typical LBS's it shook you up when he finally had enough. Now, you are panicking and afraid of D.
You need deep work on your problems. How much has this behavior affected your child? You said she had a lot of issues. Do you have a history of treating people the way you've treated your H? Frankly, I am surprised he wants to be friends with someone who would shred him to bits.
I probably don't have to tell you that a H will turn to another woman who will make him feel like a man when his own W has destroyed him. But I don't think you've really learned your lesson, and you haven't changed in just three weeks. I'm sure you have attempted, but it takes much longer to really set. You are more focused on getting him back, at this point, and it will cause you to stumble even more in those changes. I think you will have to release him and work extremely hard for a very long time, with perhaps professional help, in order to completely change over to the kind of woman you want to be. No amount of pleading will convince him it will be different if he stays. He will have to see proof that your changes are permanent and not just tactics to get him back.
You can't make him own his part of the breakdown of the M. Trust me, I know how infuriating that is! But all you can change is yourself. All you can own is your part. The blame game gets you nowhere. (I speak from experience.) He is responsible for his own changes, or even if he wanted to or not. That would be something you would have to consider. Would you accept him the way he is, or do you want him back with intentions of changing him?
Once you fix yourself, if he does decide to give it another chance, I hope you will find a solution-based MC to help you both reconcile and get through the piecing stages. Even successful DBers often need help in the piecing.
Btw, you may have every reason to be bitter. But the bitterness will act just like a cancer. It doesn't spite anyone but yourself. It is a terrible way to live, and nobody will want to live with you. You are still young enough to turn yourself around. Become the warm, supportive, and loving woman you really want to be.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
