"Speak Softly": The Amoeba Whisperer!

[GoatGal]

Nero,

Great post here, thanks!

Yes, some definite similarities in our predicaments!
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So far, allowing a bit more communication about practical things seems to have relieved some tension.

I am still DBing as close to 100% as I can manage on any given day.

I still only contact about practical matters which require attention, or in response to similar contact from him.

I think we don't do well texting and he's said he hates it, so...

Phone calls, short, sweet, and upbeat is what I'm aiming for.

After all, how can he feel/hear me being friendly and upbeat if he never sees or talks to me?
To have any kind of R we have to feel friendly and good around each other, right?
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I still get a bit confused about the cake-eating thing.
I feel he needs to know how much it's gonna suck for him when I'm gone, but SOMEHOW I have to let him know I am not a lost cause without just coming out and saying so.

If he's not actively cheating (just trying to???) I'm a bit lost on how to play it.
This is when I wish my ability to read social interactions was better.
THIS IS SO HARD!!!!
And, to my knowledge, he only started actively searching for some "companionship" after several weeks of me essentially ignoring him.
I think he REALLY doesn't want to be alone. He has said so.

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The vets have said to refrain from reaching out, and I agree.
However, since my reason for being dark was self-preservation and detaching, I'm not sure there is a good reason to stay dark if he is not crossing my boundaries.

He is doing things I don't like, but he doesn't know I know so I don't want to tip my hand on my intel...

So it's no R talk, just listening/validating, and no "just checking in" out of habit.

Let HIM do that if it's what he wants.
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But he can't feel warm and fuzzy towards me if I'm MIA, and I have noticed him saying "Hi" to me when he's around, sort of an opening.

(Wow. 23 years of M and I'm encouraged that he's saying "Hi." Wow. )

So I don't want to be "friends" if we divorce, but it seems we should be some kind of "friends" now.
Isn't that how love blossoms?

Help me out here.

My brain is toast.
Too little sleep, too much input, I'm on overwhelm mode right now....

----GGG