Zues, I'm trying really hard not be angry at his, "I'm done, you did this to me, you made me a shell of a man and I don't want to be married to you but let's be BFF" manipulation tactic and just take notice that I DO need to make changes. Changes that have been a long time in coming. I'm just ashamed it took THIS for me to actually do it. I've been ready for ages to make these changes, and more, but I was always waiting for him to do some changing too so it would be fair and balanced and equal effort. Sick right? Ugh. I did tell him I didn't feel responsible for him abandoning his own self respect. He responded, "no, you're responsible for many other things though." Ok then. I'm not afraid to own my stuff, to dig deep for change and make them lasting and permanent and meaningful. I WANT that but I want to do it with him by my side, not as his BFF after a divorce. If we can be friends for the sake of our daughter during a separation and imminent divorce, why can't we be friends IN our marriage and work on it properly?
I think you hit he nail on the head. His "inspire me that I should believe you can meet my standards" position has it me in a bad spot but I CAN meet those standards even though I shouldn't have to... Then he falls back on, "but I can't try anymore, I'm done".
Journaling: I can't help but think and get caught up on the fact that if the tables were turned and I left, he wouldn't fight for us. Not at all. He'd let me go and let the marriage die. He doesn't know how to work on this kind of stuff and can't admit that. He'd just say, " well, that's what she wants, what can I do" which his SAME attitude in the marriage. "I dont like how things are going so I'm going to wait until she gets the hint and then I'm going to leave because I can't put up with anymore". How am I supposed to work my way with that? And how do I build hope in someone who can't wait to be my BFF once we're divorced??
