Discovering the buck stops here....

[mizjjd]

Thanks AJ!

It says to me that I may not be crazy after all

We should probably leave that out of the picture for now, yeah? I mean, you are married to a narcissistic person right?

Good point, lol

It's good that he's going to counseling. Doesn't sound like you really need to be there. Maybe there's a time when you can hang back? I suspect the counselor, if any good, will eventually ask you to not be there. There are some things that you shouldn't be there for and it would get in the way. Give it time, but that's likely coming.

I have already volunteered to not go. Because (surprise!) its been the H show mostly anyway. Currently, H wants me to be there.

However, our 10 free sessions are coming to an end. At the end of the last session we were discussing the details of continuing what would be paid sessions. And I managed to calmly tell H that if he doesn't decide to completely get rid of OW I see no point in M counseling. (Oh the look I got from H! Lol, it would have soured milk.)

H is "thinking" about breaking it off completely with OW. He asks me if I would be happier without him. I tell him I don't know, but I'm willing to find out. He tried to make a deal, he'd get rid of OW completely but I'd have to promise to never ever speak of her. I said no deal. I don't plan to regularly chat about her, I don't now. But I'm not going to just pretend this never happened. I asked H if he could never mention the business that got shut down. He said that wasn't a fair comparison because the business meant everything to him...

I said yes, just like my M did.

But you know, he doesn't get it. If you believe the literature, he can't get it. That's part of the Narcissist. (The Dr. believes "selfish" is a kinder term?)Dr. told H that he leads a shallow emotional existence and that if we split H will end up isolated because I am the glue between him and the kids. (And none of this made H angry... oddness.)

I tried to explain to H that its kind of like he's color blind. There are "colors" he just can't see. Sometimes I think he knows they're there... and he squints... but still can't quite see them.

Sad thing really.

Peace,

~Jaye