Saving my marriage by focusing on ME!

[Oxford1]

Well after over 325 posts on DB I have come to realize that all I have is control over me.

That the best thing to do is continue to fix myself that's all I can hope for.

My WW has noticed the changes I just have to continue to grow.


My old thread:
She says shes conflicted (part 2)

[twinmom]

Good for you. I still struggle at times with that. Keep up the good attitude.

[Oxford1]

I know I sometimes get attacked for my inaction. That is why I realize the only action I can take is on me.

I am trying to listen to my MC as well. She says that all I can do is become the type of husband my WW wants me to be.

The only way to become that is to stop renting space in my brain to OM and to stop trying to control what I can not control.

[Oxford1]

So this is the first test.
We are going to go food shopping tonight.

She will a" test me" she will try to get me to ask what she did with OM on Sunday

Where she went to lunch today etc...

She already tested me when she called and said she had work to do tonight from home, this means she missed more work today then just an hour, I said nothing.

I even told her for the next two weekends and the days in between I am just getting on with my life. When OM leaves for his country we will pick up where we left off.

The MC believes if I take this approach I will be the better man. I won't be the one constantly pleasing pick me or bashing the other or setting rules that can be viewed as controlling...

I can only control Ox

[Oxford1]

I am starting to think everyone has given up on me?

[dawgy]

Hey Ox not me bud . Im here i know you must love your wife alot as do i love mine and these are incredibly difficult situations . The pain I feel is like nothing Ive ever felt before so to implement DB strategies is difficult for most and almost impossible for others > Is your wife still in an A ? Mine is i believe and possibly more than one . Some days like today I just wanna give up but support on here and other groups help

[EmmaB]

I just registered here. I read your thread and found links to older threads. There are so many posts now I'm confused about your status.

Who called off the divorce? Why? Are you guys back together? But why did she move out of the bedroom?

[Cadet]

When OM leaves for his country we will pick up where we left off.

Don't you think she already knows this?

She has no fear of losing you.

[EmmaB]

But when OM leaves he will still be her boyfriend in another country.

[Oxford1]

The difference is now she sYs it's only a strong friendship, there is no intimacy. She is acting like a tour guide showing him around,

I said " except he's trying to convince you to leave your family"

She also said, she moved out of the bedroom because she was tired of lying. She told him you and me were working on the marriage but not together...
She said I am not in a place to be alone with any man.

However, she still wears my wedding band every day.

Sorry about you stitch, it must be a lot harder then what I am dealing with.