Wife wants marriage with OM, is there any hope?

[mindsin]

So are you still under the same roof?

Yes.

What are the ages of you and W? Do you know the age of OM?

42 and 39. OM is 40.

When you referred to the underlying issues in your M, did you mean your cheating?

That was the big one. The broken trust due to the cheating. There were other ones too like lack of communication. Also, she felt that I never stood up for her or had her back, particularly during conflicts with my parents. I was rarely appreciative of her efforts. She felt she gave everything into this marriage, and I was simply the beneficiary. She feels she got nothing back in return.

What happened to cause her to enter into this A? Was it payback, result of neglect from you.......what?

It wasn't one particular thing. She insists it's not payback.

She says that she didn't mean for it to happen. She said she didn't actively seek out the affair. The OM revealed his feelings to her after months of trying to hide it, and then it made my wife realize that perhaps she felt the same way. She wasn't sure what she was feeling and didn't know how to talk about it with me. Eventually, it became an EA turned PA. She said that it made her realize just how unhappy she's been in our marriage.

These conversations she's having with you recently, is this pillow talk or does she just drop it out of nowhere?

We talk almost every night after the kids are in bed. Some conversations are better than others. Some conversations lead to arguments. I try my best to follow the "37 rules" but it's hard when I'm having heart-to-heart conversations regularly. This is one of the things she felt she was lacking previously -- real open and honest conversations with me. So by me having these conversations with her is sort of a 180, but I need to proceed carefully.

These boundaries you listed, are they being honored now?

The original 2-month agreement is out the window. I'm giving her all the space and time she needs now.