A little background since I'm new to this section. The last 6 months have been a complete rollercoaster ride. My H began acting very distant and stopped confiding much in me. He would go out drinking until all hours of the night and occasionally not come home at all. H was depressed and often made comments about what a bad person he was and how he didn't like himself. It was like I was living with a different person.
I originally suspected an EA/PA with a coworker. A few weeks ago he confessed that it was actually a PA with someone I don't know. It started out as a friend who offered support and appreciation he didn't feel he was getting at home. I've owned that part, because it's true, and am working on listening to and validating his feelings. We've both agreed that my ownership of those problems in our M in no way excuses the affair he chose to have.
I essentially told him he had to cut off all contact with OW or move out. I was not going to live with him if he was still involved with someone else. I gave him some time to decide and he has committed to working on our marriage. He has blocked the OW's number and agreed to transparency. I am on the fence whether I'd rather the number be deleted completely or if blocking it is enough. I haven't said that to him yet. He has also answered the few questions I've asked.
My problem is that at random times I want more answers. I was thinking of compiling them in an e-mail and sending them to him. I'm not sure if that's a good idea. Vets, how did you handle asking for information, or did you decide it was better not to know?
I can tell that he is really putting effort back into our M. He's calling a lot and giving me details on where he is and who he is with. I'm not prompting him to do this. He has apologized multiple times and said he knows it was wrong and will not do this to us again. He keeps telling me he loves me. He also has told me he'll answer any questions.
I'm trying to figure out how to deal with my feelings on the A without letting them cloud every interaction we have. We've had a lot of good years in our M and I want to be able to move forward from this dark period. I know some of that is just patience and time. I bought the book "Not Just Friends" to help me gain some clarity.
Me: 30 H: 35 M: 5 years S2 Signs of MLC started Feb 2014 BD - PA July 2014 Piecing/reconciling late July 2014
