The sexy pics were not things that made me uncomfortable before, but before I had never felt threatened by another woman. I think it's pretty normal for men to admire other women and their bodies. It's a gazillion dollar industry and has been since time began (look at all of the beautiful artwork in the world). I had always been pretty comfortable with my body until this happened....So, this is new. We'll have to work our way through this issue.
Setting my own boundaries...yes. As you know, I simply have a difficult time drawing the hard line in the sand of "If you're still in a relationship with OW, then...." What I find frustrating is that I can do this is so many areas of my life, but somehow this particular boundary terrifies me. Why? Because a couple of resources suggest to ignore the affair. To not ignore the affair would be to push him towards the affair. I don't want to do that. I want the affair to burn itself out, and that takes time.
But, at what cost? You're right - I have my own sanity to protect here.
As for my H's ego....Yes, it's a delicate thing. When we first met, I learned that his family never really gave him much affection. They're not that type of family. He was a professional singer at a young age, and a good athlete, and a good student. But - he never really got kudos for that. When I met him he was an incredibly handsome guy, smart and funny, but had not had many girls who had been interested in him. He's worked hard throughout our life, and has done very well professionally, excelling in certain hobbies...But boy, oh boy....The more successful he's gotten, the more affirmation he seems to need. While sometimes I think to myself, "You're really not THAT great, especially when you act like this," I realize - he already knows it. He tells me all the time when he's projecting his own self-loathing on himself. So he's walking this funny line of "tell me how great I am! I'm so great!" and "I know what I'm doing right now is so, so crappy..." It's his own tightrope and he's looking at the chasm beneath him. Sadly, at some point he's going to fall.
