For legal reasons, do NOT leave the house for an extended period of time. You need to follow Sandi's list right now, they are not rock solid rules so they should be treated like guidelines. Rules I can think of right now that would allow is:
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive at all times! In other words, be the best you can be and look the best you can look at all times. Even when wearing jeans and T-shirt, wear good cologne, b/c it does cause the spouse to take notice. **Literally, fake it till you make it**
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what he/she will be missing. (But never ask him/her if he/she has noticed any changes!!) This is important! If you do, then you have blown it.
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. This can confuse some of them b/c it is not what they expected. Show your spouse someone he/she would want to be around all the time, somebody that can be attractive and fun to be with. That somebody is you! Don't overkill in your attempts to outshine another person your spouse may be having an A with (if there is OP in the picture) to the point of looking like your attempts are "fake" b/c your spouse will see through all of that.
21. Never lose your cool! Don't let your spouse trap you into a fight. Don't take her/his bait.....leave the room or the house for a while, if you have to, in order to avoid a fight.
26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out (or scream and yell).
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil). This is for your health's sake.
28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly. Read self help books, inspirational books or listen to tapes. They are for you only.
You are in a very difficult place, so if you feel other posters are being "cold" I promise you they are not. You need to keep your head up friend, the only one who cares about your happiness is you right now. Go outside, get some sun (it is a natural anti-depressant) and go for a walk when you would rather just sit and sulk inside.
Surround yourself with positive reinforcement, overtime you will absorb the qualities of those around you so make sure that is good energy.
In my sitch I did end up moving out, I do not have children so I had fewer legal constraints. I felt moving out did help at the time but it is much more difficult to show your "consistent small changes" when you are not in close proximity to your W.
Keep posting brother, we'll keep you on the right track. Don't drown yourself in the mistakes you do make, just continue along without skipping a beat.
"Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing, and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you. And stay." ~ Will Smith
