For some reason I just can't get myself motivated. My D14 is now with her mom, dropped her off at half way point yesterday. Very quiet around here without her, she didn't want to go either. Took her 3 hours just to get ready to go. I really need to do some things like get my stuff finished and mailed out to the IRS but I just can't seem to get it done.
I'm actually missing my W (at least the person she used to be) more then I have since she left. Nothing "new" happened (she was actually very stoic and unfriendly when I saw her to drop off D), I just am feeling a bit...lonely I guess is the word. First time I've really felt that strongly since she left. Been keeping myself too busy for that. I just wasted the day today. I'm not angry at my W which has happened plenty. I'm just out of sorts and missing having her around to talk to.
I really need to get what I need to get done finished and get back to GALing like I had been doing (missed getting out last night because my D took so long to get ready). But first I need to finish what I must get done and every time I start I get distracted and unmotivated.
I almost texted my W that I missed her, if you can believe THAT! (I didn't, not that stupid). First time that even crossed my mind! What is wrong with me! I do not have the luxury of getting all depressed and melancholy, dam it! I need to just wake my butt up and get going! I think I'm just not used to being so alone all the time. In the past there was a limited time I was alone (if the W and kids were going away without me), I knew it was going to end. Now there is no end. Things are not going to change back to anything close to the way they were, that's certain. My W is nowhere near the end of her MLC journey, I'm still having to deal with the D, my D's are still not anywhere close to knowing what's in store for them come the end of summer, I have to deal with the IRS and I need to get moving on my job and make some more cash. That's just the things that are needed to be dealt with NOW, then there's the future once all that gets dealt with.
Yes, I've been getting things done, keeping moving forward, up until now that is. I guess what I need to do is just force myself to start doing that once again. Chalk up today has an "off" day and start back tomorrow. Just kinda hating the way my W has screwed things up (yes, I know it wasn't her "choice", that it's the MLC and she probably feels more lost than me) and hating the world as it stands right now. Well, today has to be the last I let this happen!
