Dealing with WAW Part 3

[pilot]

A boundary might be me saying "I only listen to someone calmly talking to me" so when someone yells at me, I leave the area.

Putting a demand on them is me telling them they cannot yell at me; they MUST speak calmly to me. See the difference? It's a small one in my hypothetical, but they an get bigger in importance, and it's not all semantics.

I see your point. My boundary is I will only be married to a person who is honest about past infidelities. I will not demand it of her. If she wishes to on her own free will openly discuss her infidelity then she is more than welcome to. If she does not wish to, I certainly will not demand it from her, or in any way force her into it. I can only control what I do. I can chose to continue to work on my M, or I can chose that there is not a strong enough foundation to rebuild trust, and move on.

I do not see how what I have said in prior postings is anything different that above. If you see it as wrong, then it is possible I am wrong. Specifically what I would look for are details I know, which I have not told her I know. Times, dates, places. If she mentions them, then I have a reasonable assurance she is being forthcoming with other things. If she neglects them then I can be reasonably certain I am not getting the whole story.

It is not that I am hung up on whether or not there was a PA or not. I constantly refer to it as I do because I am not certain there was a PA. I could very easily just have stated from the beginning it was a PA based on assumptions. But I did not. I always clearly stated EA, with the possibility of PA. I do that because I do not know if how you handle an EA and a PA are different. Maybe the vets know. So why not give every bit of information possible to those who want to help? If my wife is going over to another man's house at 10 at night, and staying till midnight several times a week, and meeting him in vacant parking lots at odd times of the day and night, it becomes at least reasonable to suspect a PA. I am assuming PA, and have my mind set it was a PA. If I find out it was, so what? I already assumed it. If it turns out just an EA, well great news for me, things just got a whole lot better.


And I do not mind the 2x4s. I know you are here trying to help and offering your time to do so. I know you would not waste your time otherwise. So I appreciate all comments, positive and negative.

Thanks again.