Bitter party of 1

[Zues126]

That desire for a friendship is a tricky spot. I'm facing what might be a parallel situation. I'm asking my DB coach about it. I'll let you know what I learn Thursday night.

I'm in a different spot. My wife asked me to leave a month ago and is filing. Now she says she hopes we can be friends. I don't want to be friends. I want to stay married. Seems like being friends is allowing her to cake eat a bit and avoid reality. I am asking myself how close I'd want to be with her if she was remarried. Probably not very. So I'm setting my boundaries at the line I'd draw if that were the case.

Now, maybe I'm wrong and there is an advantage to continuing to be very loving. Particularly because my STBX once referenced something about "maybe we'll grow closer and be back together, the future is unknown" and is divorcing somewhat reluctantly. So I'll let you know the advice I get. And I don't know how to do it when you're still in the same house. The above is just how I feel. Not spiteful, just showing him the future. The reason you're not spiteful and the difference between that and giving up is that you're still working on changes that may attract him back.

Oh, and as for husband asking for any other thoughts, one mantra and reply I like is "I don't want to go back to the relationship we had. Anything from here would have to be a new R where it worked better for both of us"

Finally, FYI. Your h seems to be very manipulative. Honestly in my R I was a jerk and did something similar to a lesser extent. Basically I told my W that I was defeated and about ready to give up but that I loved her and was hoping for a miracle. Essentially I was trying to get her to be the one that changed. Wasn't man enough to face the music until she moved on a few months later. So this entire "inspire me that I should believe you can meet my standards" is pretty similar and not too cool. I like what you're doing and if he's anything like me he might turn around quick if you show him you're fed up with it.

Sorry, one of my worst posts ever, hopefully one paragraph was worthwhile, if not know I'm pulling for you!!!