Slowly switching gears

[Zues126]

Glad it worked. Stay patient. I myself am trying to let me STBX control the warmth and subject matter of communications.

Look- if every time she shows warmth you rush in and try to take every inch, and maybe crowd in a little closer...then she will be on the defense, backing away, and hesitant to show warmth thinking it may lead to further advances she's not ready for.

My interpretation of DB approach is to respond at about 80-90% of my Stbx's level of warmth. And let her continue to lead. It has worked for me.
For example, we had a warm exchange two Sundays ago. A couple actually. I felt it was a 'ment of weakness' for her, she was showing feelings she wasn't ready to show. So I down played it, acted casual. Then she didn't contact me much for two weeks, and when she did it was all business. I let it be, and responded equally business like (with goodwill but not emotional). This last weekend she started warming up again, I responded warmly as well but nothing more than how I'd treat a neighbor. When I saw her to swap kids we had a warm exchange, but again, I down played it and was the first to head out. I'm trying to send the message that I'm warm but not pushing.

With that in mind, keep up the great work. And pay attention to what you've been doing to get those types if good vibes...then keep doing it!!! Wishing you more good things!