MDU, I'm sorry this is happening. I really, really am.
I know Starsky gave me a hard time about my observations to you before. But I think I had sound reasons for making them.
Did you ever see your H going through withdrawal from the OW? If not, he wasn't there yet. He may have wanted to be, but he wasn't. Starsky was right that there is a physiological response to OW. Your H may want to control it but he hasn't yet gone through withdrawal. I doubt it would have mattered even if she moved back. Eventually he would have found a reason to interact with her and you'd be where you are now. I don't *know* this to be true but I believe it. H and I would be cooking along in MC making progress, and just the knowledge of an impending trip would make him draw way back. Physically, on the MC's couch, so much that the MC would comment on it.
Some things have their own timeline. We must endure in the face of uncertainty. (See me smacking myself with a 2x4 as I say this to you). This is a great time to quit worrying about his commitment to you and for you to revisit who you want to be -- not only in interpersonal relationships, but in your goals and your future as well. I think you'll be much happier if you can liberate yourself from the urgency of reconciling and take the gift of time as a gift that can be used for you as well as for him.
I don't want to sound unsympathetic because I'm truly not. But you sound like you're in the place I was eight months ago and I know what I wish I had done differently. I'm just trying to share my hindsight with you. But I hope your experience is MUCH better than mine.
Hugs to you!
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
