The morning sun is shining like a red rubber ball.

[wishing, hoping]

Great, great weekend with D!! Awesome girls weekend. We went to the beach, made hamburgers, went to a salon blowout sale, my boss's boss birthday party, stayed at a really nice hotel (which I got a fantastic deal on AND they upgraded us to a suite) and visited the American Girl Doll warehouse sale AND went to the zoo and outlet mall shopping. I'm paying for it today, but we both loved every minute of it. I am doing things I never thought I would do on my own or COULD do on my own. I am really learning that I can do anything I set my mind too.

Yesterday we got home and we both just crashed. I took a catnap and called J and asked him if he could bring the dog over. He said yes. Well, it took a bit longer than normal so I wondered what was up. J pulled in to drop off the dog and of course, OW was right beside him. Really? You can't let him out of your sight for five minutes for him to drop off the dog at my place? Whatever. I could never be with someone who clung so tightly. J probably likes it. But then again, maybe the noose is starting to tighten around his neck.

He had called me and wanted to go over some financial stuff, like variable expenses, paystubs, etc. He said he made an excel spreadsheet he wanted us both to go over. He asked if we could go over it at my place. And honestly, I would rather do it on my turf rather than at the house. I will clarify that OW is NOT to show up. She is not welcome in my home. I would actually prefer to work on this at a neutral location, but my fear is that she will show up anyway.

Texted a bit with S last night who is having a good time at his church mission trip and is making lots of new friends. I am so proud of that boy. I miss him (so does D) but I know he's in good hands. J asked me earlier if I had heard from him yet and I said, no, he's probably busy. J said "or else he's just ignoring me". Mr. Positive strikes again.

I am starting to make more of a life for myself when the kids aren't around, but it feels wrong. I feel like I am letting them down. That's my issue to work through though, but it isn't easy. I had kids because I felt I lived my life and I wanted to devote my time to my kids. Unfortunately I married someone whom I THOUGHT felt that way. Turns out I was wrong. So unfortunate.

WH