This is the link to my previous thread. I started a new thread because I my stitch has changed so much from when I came to the board & I felt my topic was too vague.
A recap of my previous post- If you want more details of my stitch, I have several posts with very detailed info.
We have three children 5 & under. My baby was 11 weeks old when this started. H has worked 3 hours away Mon-Fri for the past 2 years
5/10/2014 my H tells me he's not happy, he's confused. 5/25/2014 ILYBNILWY says he's going to go do his own thing for a while. If in here when he figured it out, if Im not - then Im not. 5/26/2014 I find out through snooping there is OW 6/2/2014 H goes on fishing trip with buddies - find out later OW stayed in his hotel room
Around this time I go dark. Only communicating about kids or house issues.
6/15/2014 I confront him about OW he says they are friends & "hanging out" Because I saw the text msg between them. I told him this was disrespectful to be doing in our home or while he is out with our children. I asked/told him my boundary is no communication with OW while in my home or spending the very little time he has with our children. If it continues I told him we would sign a parenting plan & work out a schedule for the kids.
6/20/2014 we go to MC together for the one & only time he tells me OW slept in his bed but they only kissed. He tells me he took care of the situation with OW
6/23/2014 I find out he bought a prepaid cell phone
6/25/2014 I told him I knew he lied to me about contacting OW so we signed a calendar & agreed he will see kids every other weekend. Either they will go away for the weekend or I will. So we are not staying together & kids can still be at home.
7/13/2014 first time we have talked about anything in a month or so, I told him I understood he was on his own journey & that I was letting him go.
I know from the bank account that he is out partying. Big partying. He's running around like he's 21 years old, hanging out & partying with lots of people.
I have not updated my previous post since our talk on 7/13. He told me I could fix all of this if I wanted to. Not sure what he means, but I did tell him I wasn't going to beg. He asked why some family members that he has talked to told him I did not want a divorce - I told him that it was not my preference for my children. Im not going to beg him to stay. But the only thing I can control is me & I have been working with IC on finding myself again. He says that he has noticed some of my 180's.
In the meantime I have seen several pictures of him with about 3-4 different women/girls. We happen to have mutual friends or mutual friends of a friend. Not very many people know about our stitch so people are like "what the heck is going on?" Why are there fb pics of Sams H hanging out & partying with all these girls. And we had no "rules" so to speak during our separation. Because he BD said he was doing his own thing & could not say he could be committed to relationship.
This past Thursday afternoon he called angry b/c his cousin (who is like a brother) his wife has heard from people about what's going on. They live in same town where H works all week. Apparently he has been seen out with OW. He wants to know if I've talked to her. No. I can't control what other people do & Im not interested in arguing with him about it. (This is huge 180 for me) We end up chatting a few minutes about kids day at camp & some house issues. He tells me again that I could fix this, I did say I felt things were more complicated now b/c of OW. But I know that is a symptom & not our initial problem. He said he could change that anytime he wanted to. He tells me that it has actually been nice talking to me.
In my journey on this I have recognized our issues & my contribution to the breakdown of the marriage. But am questioning if I want a H like who my H is right now. He left me with a 5 yr old, 4 yr old & 11 week old baby with medical issues & major health problems.
I question his character. And how disrespectful to my children & me he has been. I was mentally preparing to file for D - after school starts for kids b/c I am beginning to question what Im standing for.
Last night he calls for kids, after he is done talking to the oldest he asks to talk to me. He asks about baby. Then he says how are you doing? He never asks me anything about me. We dont talk about ourselves or what we are doing. He says he has been thinking about us & wanted to see if I would like to go away with him for a couple of days. Then pick the kids up and spend time together as a family. I didnt know how to respond so I just said "let me think about it." I would like to spend some time with him without 3 little kids. This is a big issue in our M, I was too focused on our kids. I would like to hear what he has to say.
I don't want to scare the squirrel away so to speak. But I'm not interested in going away with him to spend time together & possibly start working on things if he's still in contact with OW. Do I ask about status of OW? Since he bought prepaid cell - that he doesn't know that I know about. He could just lie.
Advice on how to respond????
H:40 Me:35 D5 S4 S3 months Married 8 years Together 17 years BD: 5/23/2014
